GAZETA TROLLANDZKA
Wolne Słowo Fiordów
Why don’t we know?
We do not know, because we are not supposed to know.
Trollandia is a transparent country. Everything is public – except for what is not.
Documents are available – as long as they exist.
Emails can be checked – as long as someone saved them.
The truth can be known – as long as it does not inconvenience anyone.
📂 The emails that are not there
“The ones that should exist, but do not.”
If something is not in the system, then no one has to show it.
🧠 Knowledge in safe doses
- too little to understand everything
- just enough to think one does
“This will be clarified later” – which means never.
🪓 New faces
The faces have changed. The methods have not.
The mechanism is never replaced. Only those who explain it are.
🕵️ The inquiry
There will be an inquiry.
- his people
- the people of his people
- those who already found nothing before
The result will be objective. Exactly as required.
🌫️ The truth
In Trollandia, the truth does not disappear.
It simply does not make it into the documents.
Ask a question.
Just do not expect an answer.
A few kroner – for whom?
In Trollandia, people often talk about “a few kroner.” A few kroner more for fuel. A few kroner more on the bill. A few kroner more to contribute to something bigger. For many, it is just a small change, a minor adjustment, something hardly noticeable in everyday life. But not for everyone.
For some, “a few kroner” means something entirely different. It can be the difference between filling the tank and leaving the car at home. Between buying what is needed and postponing everything. Between a daily life that still holds together and one that is starting to crack.
It is not always visible. The lines for free food may be shorter than before. People talk about them less. Statistics do not always show the full picture. But that does not necessarily mean the need has disappeared.
Perhaps more people are trying to manage on their own a little longer. Perhaps the threshold for asking for help has risen. And perhaps some have stopped standing in line not because they no longer need it – but because they have stopped believing that anyone is still looking.
Gazeta Trollandzka
Statement by Eidetrollbar
In light of the current situation, I would like to emphasize the importance of a comprehensive approach to the challenges we face. Trollandia remains part of a larger reality in which responsibility and long-term decisions are unavoidable.
The costs of living, transport, and energy are a complex phenomenon. They result from many factors at the same time – both local and global. Therefore, they require solutions that take the broader context into account.
The Government of Trollandia is closely monitoring the situation and will continue to assess it in dialogue with its partners. Trollandia will remain a responsible actor – both domestically and internationally.
Szybcik’s Commentary
Thank you for the words. They were calm. They were structured. They were safe. But for those who stand closer to everyday life, the problem is not a lack of perspective. The problem is the lack of ground under their feet.
When fuel gets more expensive – the road does not become shorter. When the ferry costs more – it does not sail more often. And when bills go up – it is not theory that changes, it is life.
This is not a rebellion against change. This is the moment when people start counting – and realize the equation no longer works.
Because everything begins at the ferry quay and the gas station… and ends at an empty shelf or in a food line.
Troll Gazette
Secret report from Trollandia:
How the government solved the problem of democracy
In Trollandia, another important government meeting took place. As usual — in silence, calm, and without unnecessary witnesses.
In the middle of the hall stood a long table. On it: documents, stamps, and a ballot box — purely decorative.
— Today we will make a decision — announced solemnly Egotroll.
The trolls looked at each other with relief. Decisions were their favorite part of democracy. Especially those that didn’t require voting.
In the corner of the room stood a row of chairs. All empty. For transparency.
— Are there any objections? — asked Egotroll.
The silence was exemplary.
— Unanimous — he concluded, before anyone had time to think.
And just like that, democracy was improved.
No queues. No confusion. No citizens.
— Vi har det så bra… — muttered Påtrykkytroll, writing something in a notebook he never opened.
“Progress means no resistance.”
Only one small troll stood up shyly.
— What if someone actually wanted to… vote?
The room froze.
Egotroll smiled gently.
— In Trollandia, everyone has the right to remain silent.
The troll sat down. The system worked.
From that day on, a new procedure was introduced: first the decision, then the justification, and finally a message for the public.
Older trolls still remember the times when votes were counted. Today, they are simply announced.
Faster. Quieter. More convenient.
That is why in Trollandia more and more trolls are starting to listen not to what is being said — but to what is persistently left unsaid.
“VI HAR DET SÅ BRA…?”
“Vi har det så bra, så bra…” — we have been hearing that for years. And then comes the next line: “Sånn er det, vi må hjelpe de andre.” Suddenly, everything is supposed to make sense.
But the ordinary troll now works from one payday to the next and still cannot always make it through the month. He no longer works in order to live, but in order to survive the month. That is not prosperity. That is modern slavery in elegant packaging.
And when transport workers begin to say “enough” — silence follows. A brief mention, half a sentence, and then the story moves on. Because it is uncomfortable. Because it is the first sign that something is no longer holding together.
Because if the people who move everything — fuel, food, goods — are saying “enough”, then the system is beginning to consume its own foundations.
And yet we still hear: “that’s just how it is.” No. That is how it has been arranged.
That was also said in Trollandia. Until someone dared to ask out loud: if we supposedly “have it so good”, why are more and more people no longer coping?
Helping others does not mean allowing your own home to collapse. And freedom does not mean being afraid to speak the truth because you will then be treated as the problem.
The light has already appeared. And that is exactly why it is no longer possible to pretend that nothing can be seen.
UDI Rejects the Asylum Application of the Wawel Dragon
In Trollandia nothing ever disappears — except inside official forms. This time the problem arose because the dragon is not he, not she, and not even they. It simply described itself as: “dragon.” And that is where the trouble began.
Late last night the Utrolldirektoratet for Innvandring (UDI) reviewed an extraordinary application submitted by a creature introducing itself as the Wawel Dragon from Kraków. The newcomer declared its intention to settle in a cave overlooking the fjord and start a business of a gastronomic and tourist nature.
In the field “Gender / identity” the dragon declared itself neither as he, nor as she, nor even as they. It simply stated: “dragon.”
Conclusion of the Commission
UDI concluded that a creature which cannot be classified as he, she or they must be considered administratively undefined and therefore potentially suspicious and possibly dangerous. An additional concern was the ability to breathe fire without an environmental permit, as well as the lack of an appropriate category within the official forms of Trollrike.
The commander of the troll police, Snuttroll, refused to personally deliver the rejection, stating that delivering documents to fire-breathing creatures is not part of the standard duties of the troll police.
After lengthy debates it was therefore decided to use a postal eagle for express delivery, since the fast bird has the best chance of escaping before the dragon attempts to strike it with flames.
The Prime Minister of Trollandia, known to the public as Egotroll, assured that the government is closely monitoring the situation and, if necessary, will establish yet another commission to further analyze the matter.
The editorial team of Gazeta Trollandzka will continue to report on developments. It cannot be ruled out that the dragon may refuse to leave Trollrike, as many other illegal individuals do after receiving a rejection.
SPECIAL EDITION OF THE TROLLANDIAN GAZETTE
New plan, new pockets, old methods
In Trollandia nothing ever truly disappears — except what slips quietly out of the taxpayer’s pocket. Everything else lives forever: promises, committees, grand reforms and bold visions. The government has just announced a historic breakthrough in troll economics: The Sustainable Poverty Plan™ — a programme that promises to create balance between lack and even greater lack, with an emphasis on “voluntariness under pressure” and a tireless public enthusiasm that usually appears when there is no other choice.
Prime Minister Egotroll speaks with the solemn face of a sage who believes he has just understood the universe, Minister of Finance Skattgulltroll counts coins with the flair of a stage performer, and the green Dej-troll soothes the nation with a gentle voice, explaining that the entire reform is “for the good of nature, for the harmony of the cosmos, and certainly has nothing to do with a hole in the budget”.
The Editorial reminds: In difficult times it is not enough to have a heart. You must also have something that can be shaken out of your pockets.
The Sustainable Poverty Plan and the Great Pocket-Shaking
Trollandian Gazette — Evening Edition
The plan consists of a long list of measures, the most important being: the elimination of surplus, control of excessive ownership and regular “pocket inspections” of citizens. The government assures everyone that these actions are purely preventive, and that the resources shaken out of pockets will return to them… “someday”.
Egotroll’s Address to the Nation
“The time for balance and equality has come. We shall all have the same — that is, nothing. This is our great step towards sustainable poverty!”
Behind him, the green Dej-troll nodded so vigorously that his leaves rustled like banknotes in the wind. Next to him, Skattgulltroll gleamed with his golden calculator, brandishing it like a sceptre of power over every piggy bank in Trollandia.
The Great Pocket-Shaking
The following day, the programme was launched with full state ceremony. In the Treasury Hall of Trollandia, beneath a monumental banner reading “Every coin counts — especially yours!”, crowds of trolls gathered, ready to make their «contribution to national prosperity».
The sight was remarkable: some trolls shook their trousers so vigorously that their pockets jingled like an orchestra; others turned their linings inside out, displaying their entire «wealth» to the world; while the most agile stood on their heads, hoping gravity would coax out the very last copper coin.
At the centre of the hall stood Skattgulltroll — like a high priest of economics — recording with reverent focus every coin that fell, every tiny clink, every metallic whisper. The growing pile of coins shimmered golden, a symbol of national sacrifice and of that peculiar sense of duty that mysteriously appears whenever someone very determined ensures it does.
🪶 Editorial Comment
“Everyone competes in who can fleece the trolls most elegantly, but the green Dej-troll still leads by far. For he not only takes — he makes the trolls thank him afterwards. Trollandia has never been so ‘balanced’: the poor equally poor, the rich quietly rich, and nature — delighted by the silence in the wallets.”
Conclusion (temporary… just like VAT)
Although the programme was officially proclaimed a great success, the government of Trollandia has absolutely no intention of resting. Work is already underway on new ideas for how to invent and impose even more taxes — naturally, for the good of the state.
On the table lie proposals such as: The Family Happiness Tax, The Lack-of-Enthusiasm Fee, and a newly refreshed version of VAT which — as is well known — “was supposed to be temporary”, yet has settled comfortably in Trollandia like moss on a northern rock face, and no one even pretends to consider removing it.
On the contrary — there are now discussions about extending it to dreams, aspirations, and future earnings — even those that do not exist yet, but theoretically could.
“This is not the end,” Egotroll assured with the smile of someone who has just discovered a new reason to invent another tax. “This is only the beginning of sustainable plundering.”
Trollandian Gazette — the chronicle of Trollandia does not know the word “end”.
Special Edition of the Trollandian Gazette
Farewell to Bombetroll – the final blast before the silence
(editorial commentary)
When Bombetroll slammed his fist on the budget table for the last time, the echo travelled all the way across the fjords of Trollandia.
The table trembled, numbers fled in panic, and the secretary marked in the calendar: “Mission complete – suitcase packed.”
Now he leaves. Behind him he leaves smoke, confetti made of invoices, and a handful of promises no one remembers anymore.
In Munich, an armchair awaits him with a plaque reading “advisor for calm after the storm.”
And we – the old, the sick, and the small trolls – thank him for the emotions.
For shrinking our velferd so beautifully, so that someone far away could inflate their budget with “solidarity”.
For pharmacies standing empty, while weapon depots are fuller than ever.
For children eating powdered soup because gunpowder is now more valuable than milk.
Thank you, Bombetroll. Your name shall be written in the chronicles as the one who managed to blow up even the concept of peace — in the name of peace.
The trolls of the fjords salute with their soup spoons. Not because they believe in victory — but because in Trollandia even irony has its rituals.
🌋 Echoes of Young Fury
But all is not lost. While the old trolls finish their budget theatre, new ones grow in the shadows – young, angry, unpredictable.
They have run out of patience for “strategic analyses” and “diplomatic smiles”. They can grow so furious that even presidents must flee by plane – as in Madagascar and Syria.
And that is why unease has crept into the hearts of those in Brussels, Oslo and Washington. Not the usual bureaucratic kind, but the deep, cold kind that feels like the breath of a fjord before a storm.
For young anger is contagious. You cannot vaccinate against it, nor hide it behind a press conference. It spreads like a spark through dry moss – and then comes the BOOM!
And no Bombetroll will save anyone then.
Epilogue from the Fjord
And in Trollandia, in the evening, the wind still carries echoes. Someone down at the pier says that Bombetroll will return one day — like every legend that never learned to keep silent.
Someone else insists he will never come back, because even trolls grow tired of pointless noise.
Over the fjord a silence falls — one that does not promise peace, but reflection.
And in that silence young trolls begin to whisper about a world where, instead of bombs, you can ignite ideas, and instead of war plans — concerts and laughter.
No one yet knows whether this is the beginning of a new era or merely a pause between one boom! and the next.
But even the youngest troll knows: if someone can turn an explosion into an echo, that is already a first step towards wisdom.
🌀 Editorial Board of the Trollandian Gazette
Trollposten: The Tunnel That Refused to Die
Net Hercules contra plures — or how even Egotroll couldn’t stop the Stad Tunnel
The gambling trolls of the Stad fjord are in mourning. Not long ago they sat on the cliffs, sipping fermented seaweed brew and loudly betting on which ship would be swallowed by the waves first.
“It was a golden business!” grumbles the old troll Buklefjoms. “When the west wind blew, we earned more than the Minister of Finance in his happiest budget years!”
But then came the news from Oslo: the tunnel that was never supposed to be built… will indeed be built. Prime Minister Egotroll apparently tripped over his own declarations, yet the project marches forward like a stubborn mountain goat. Yesterday he called it “unnecessary and far too expensive,” today he claims he always dreamed of it — he was “just waiting for a better political climate.” Meaning: he waited until the other trolls fell asleep.
⚓ Trolls in shock – gambling ruined
When the trolls heard that ships will eventually pass peacefully under the mountain, protests erupted instantly: “What about us?! Where are we supposed to sit and laugh at other people’s waves now?!”
On the rocks, groans echoed; in the bushes, abandoned betting slips fluttered: “Ship No. 5 – sinks before Wednesday.” A tragic sight.
🧱 Net Hercules contra plures
As a wise Roman troll-woman used to say while smacking her husband and forty slaves: “Net Hercules contra plures.” Even Hercules cannot defeat the crowd — let alone Egotroll, chased by bureaucrats, environmentalists, engineers and the entire fjord lobby.
When public opinion, local municipalities and the fishermen united, even the governmental office of “Considerations on Whether It Might Be Worth It” surrendered. Trollandia is like the sea: sometimes calm, but when she moves — no political map survives.
💬 Voice from the Government Grotto
At the press conference, Egotroll declared that he “always supported the tunnel, just in a different way.” The decision-making processes, he said, “matured like cheeses stored in dark cellars.”
Asked whether this means the government will now cooperate with nature, he replied: “Yes — as long as nature doesn’t try to cooperate with us.”
🪶 Editorial comment
The Stad Tunnel is a metaphor for all of Trollandia: chaos at the beginning, then experts, trolls, ministers, protesters and gamblers — and in the end, geology wins anyway.
✍️ Written by: Naczelny Kronikarz Trollandii
✅ Approved by: Naczelna Redaktorka Trollandii
🚫 The Government of Trollandia, as usual, has no say in anything.
🧌 Troll Comments
Buklefjoms of the Southern Cliff:
“I said it from the beginning — if they build that tunnel, the sea will take offense. And when the sea takes offense, the fish will move to Sweden. Then we’ll have a real crisis!”
Skråle-Tulla of the Fish Grotto:
“Tunnel or no tunnel, it’s all the same to me. As long as the socket has power — I need to dry my seaweed for trade.”
Grumpen Skjeggtroll, former gambler:
“And what am I supposed to earn money on now? I took a loan for the ‘storm-view’! If the ship doesn’t sink, then I do!”
Mosslaug Fjordtroll, self-proclaimed environmentalist:
“They should build a system for fish instead of a tunnel: if a shark wants to pass, it opens the gate with a card.”
Stønnulf, retired bureaucrat of the Ministry of Nothing:
“Finally something is happening! If all goes well, in ten years we’ll publish a report saying the project requires further analysis.”
🪶 Commentary of the Chief Chronicler of Trollandia
The trolls, as always, are divided: some shocked, some seeing business opportunities, the rest hiding in bushes. One thing is certain — in Trollandia no one gets bored as long as someone, somewhere, is digging a tunnel.
📜 Word from the Chief Editor of Trollandia
Twenty-six years. That’s how long the discussion over the tunnel has lasted in Trollandia — a tunnel that was to be, not to be, and now “might be, but in a different evaluation mode.” Exactly as many years as I’ve been sitting here, watching every new commission begin with “public consultations” and end with “insufficient funds.”
The Stad Tunnel? For ordinary trolls — a chance for calm and safety. For politicians — a topic for interviews, debates, and posing next to scale models. And for bureaucrats? A beautiful perpetual motion machine: paper goes in, report comes out, and the walls grow higher from all the talking.
They say time flows differently in Trollandia. But at Stad, time doesn’t flow — it suffocates from boredom, waiting for someone to stop “considering the possibility of appointing a committee to analyze the preliminary potential assessment.”
After 26 years, no one knows when the tunnel will be built. But one thing is certain: when they finally break through that rock, the first echo inside will say, “We shall consider it!”
✍️ Written by: Naczelny Kronikarz Trollandii
✅ Approved by: Naczelna Redaktorka Trollandii
🚫 The Government of Trollandia has no say whatsoever.
Trollandian Gazette – Special Edition
Tunnel closed before it was built! Ships will still battle Cape Death.
The trolls – mainly from the Secret Executive Network – are celebrating.
Western Trollandia. In a historic vote, the government of Trollandia has decided not to build the long-awaited ship tunnel at the westernmost cape. The reason? “Too expensive, wrong time, wrong place, not for us.”
Instead of a spectacular passage beneath the mountains, vessels will continue to face the raging waters where waves race the wind and engines fail at the most dramatic moments.
At the “disaster” site – report from the Trollish Observation Rock
Our reporter has reached a rocky ledge overlooking the fjord. Several seasoned sea trolls sit there, watching the traffic, sipping troll rum and laughing so hard the cliff shakes.
Trolls on the rocks, clutching binoculars, bet on “will make it through” or “won’t make it.” In the background: wild waves; on the horizon: a fishing boat with a leaning mast. One troll is holding a sign: “Odds 1:3 the engine dies!”
Interview with the trolls
Gufletroll: “Heh-heh, another one choking at the entrance to Stad! These new engines just shine, and when the wind blows down from the mountains – kaputt. This route is not for softies.”
Bløttrynetroll (with notebook): “I bet it wouldn’t get through. And? I was right. Engine gone, rudder useless, and the captain doesn’t know whether to pray or drop anchor.”
Troll Statistics Corner
Number of ships attempting the passage this week: 12
Engine failures: 5
Sinkings: 1.5 (one total, one half-wreck)
Trolls winning their bets: 8
Humans asking “where is that tunnel?”: far too many
Voice of the Trollandian Government
Egotroll (Prime Minister): “The tunnel? A song from the past. We prefer to invest in abstract ideas that achieve nothing but look impressive at conferences.”
Bombetroll (Minister of Finance): “We have shifted the funds from the tunnel to golden chairs for officials and to foreign speaking engagements. The tunnel simply did not fit into the ‘Luxury from afar’ plan.”
Miljødød (Climate and Environment): “A tunnel is an intrusion into the rocks! Rocks have feelings. Water is nature’s own filter and has every right to be furious.”
Snuttroll (Chief of Police): “If ten ships sink a year, it’s still cheaper than that tunnel.”
🧌 Trolls Comment
Buklefjoms of the Southern Cliff:
“If they build that tunnel, the sea will take offense. And when the sea takes offense, the fish will move to Sweden. That’s when the real crisis will begin!”
Skråle-Tulla of the Fish Grotto:
“Tunnel, no tunnel – all the same to me. As long as there’s power in the socket; I have seaweed to dry for trade.”
Grumpen Skjeggtroll, former gambler:
“What am I supposed to earn on now? I took a loan for my ‘storm view’! If the ship doesn’t sink, then I do!”
Mosslaug Fjordtroll, self-proclaimed ecologist:
“Instead of a tunnel, they should build a system for fish: if a shark wants to pass, it opens the gate with a card.”
Stønnulf, retired civil servant:
“Finally something is happening! If all goes well, in ten years we’ll write a report that the project requires further analysis.”
🪶 Commentary of the Chief Chronicler of Trollandia
The trolls, as always, are divided: some are shocked, some see business opportunities, and the rest hide in the bushes. One thing is certain – in Trollandia nobody gets bored as long as someone, somewhere, is digging a tunnel.
📜 Word from the Chief Editor
For twenty-six years the discussion about the tunnel has dragged on in Trollandia – a tunnel that was to be built, not built, and now “might be built after all – in a different evaluation mode.” Every new commission starts with “public consultations” and ends with “lack of funding.”
The Stad Tunnel? For ordinary trolls – a chance for calm and safety. For politicians – a topic for interviews and photo ops beside the model. For bureaucrats – a marvellous perpetual motion machine: paper goes in, report comes out, and the walls grow higher on words alone.
They say time flows differently in Trollandia. At Stad, time no longer flows – it chokes from boredom, waiting for someone to stop “considering the possibility of appointing a committee to analyse the preliminary potential assessment.” After 26 years, no one knows when the tunnel will be built. But one thing is certain: if they ever break through that rock, the first echo will say, “Vi skal vurdere det!”
✍️ Compiled by the Chief Chronicler of Trollandia • ✅ Approved by the Chief Editor • 🚫 The Trollandian Government has no say in the matter.
🐉 Future Plan
The authorities have announced an alternative project called:
“Challenge Cape – Only for the Brave!”
Under this scheme, every ship crossing the Stadhavet will receive a certificate of courage and a discount on… a life raft.
🧠 Educational Troll-Bit
Did you know that over the last 70 years more than 40 serious maritime accidents have been recorded in the Stad area? Most of them were caused by weather, waves, engine failure – or because the captain was an “optimist from the south.”
🔚 In Conclusion
The trolls do not protest. The trolls are delighted. The more wrecks there are, the more stories they have to tell.
And the tunnel? Maybe one day. Maybe in a hundred years. Maybe when someone wins the lottery…
📣 Would YOU like to bet on whether tomorrow’s ship will make it through Stad?
Join the troll betting office! New odds are already available!
🪙 All bets are placed in trollcoins!
📝 EXTRAORDINARY NOTE
Location: Trollandian Forest – Northern Fjord
Date: An autumn morning, before the fog had time to escape
Incident
Into the quiet Trollandian forest thundered a strange iron creature on wheels – long, red and noisy. It looked like a cross between a giant box and the roar of a herd of mountain goats. Trolls, hidden in the bushes, watched with growing amazement as it clumsily tried to manoeuvre between the trees.
The creature did not know the paths of Trollandia. Instead of turning by the Wise Oak, it went straight ahead… and with a crash landed in the fjord. Steam rose from the water, along with a flock of seagulls who decided they had just received a new tourist attraction.
Comment from the Forest–Fjord Patrol
“We do not know this species, but it looks friendly. It just moves very foolishly. Most likely it is a specimen from the Human World that got lost during migration.”
Actions Taken
The trolls put up a sign: “Do not feed, do not scare, it will float out on its own.”
Two young trolls tried to ride the machine, but concluded there was too little moss and the seats were far too hard.
Status
The bus is still standing in the fjord, staring at the mountains. It looks confused. The trolls are planning school trips to show the youngsters what “visitors from the Human World” look like.
🪶 Trollposten Chronicle – Department of Extraordinary Events
GAZETTE OF TROLLANDIA
Visionaries with a Paper Map Who Lost Their Way
(style: TEY, lightly seasoned with trollish gravity)
Yesterday at high noon, in the Troll Palace of Paper Plans, Prime Minister Egotroll together with his faithful Bombetroll announced a great vision:
“We will not wait for the Union to decide! We decided long ago… on something nobody ever wanted!”
Then they unfolded, in front of the cameras, a huge climate map of Trollandia. The map was, as befits government visions — made of paper, enormous, beautiful… and absolutely unreadable.
Bombetroll tried to point out the direction of action, but kept pointing to the place where the map ended and the table began. Egotroll, undeterred, started drawing arrows and proclaimed:
“Here we’ll go forward, there we’ll go against the current, and here we’ll squeeze in sideways!”
The audience (read: the people) stared in disbelief, because according to the map it looked as if Trollandia was about to set sail… straight into the middle of a closed-down fjord.
“And so it happened — the visionaries arrived. Not at the goal, but at an island that half the country had been dreaming of. The map was blown away, the raft broke apart, and the people… sighed with relief.”
✍️ Chronicler of Trollposten • Trollandia, Western Fjord
✨ TROLLANDIAN GAZETTE
Special Edition – The Forest Scandal!
🌲 Patrol troll caught red-handed illegally plastering a tree!
Trollberget, Upper Forest – What was supposed to be a routine check of forest noise levels turned into a full media scandal. The troll patrol, known as the Snutt Patrol, caught in the act… a troll from their own unit.
According to our sources, the acoustic patrol was doing its daily work – with whisper meters and biodegradable foils ready. Suddenly, one troll noticed a “suspiciously rustling” bush near Oak No. 12. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that inside the bush sat a troll from the same patrol, attempting to plaster a tree that had not even entered an administrative procedure.
🧌💨 Escape with the plaster roll
Surprised, the troll didn’t try to explain himself – he bit off the plastic roll, lifted his tunic and sprinted straight toward the editorial office of the Trollandian Gazette, waving the plastic strip like a banner. He burst into the intervention department shouting:
“They tried to silence me AND the beech! It’s a silence conspiracy!”
🏛 Egotroll in trouble
Prime Minister Egotroll, who had just finished a briefing on “Noise Zones,” was immediately summoned. His spokesperson announced that “the incident will be thoroughly analyzed by a special Commission for Accidental Tree Plastering.”
Unofficially, sources say Egotroll did not expect such a fast leak to the press – especially since he himself proposed the new standard: 0.0001 decibel after 3:30 PM.
🌳 The trees remain silent – but watchful
The beech tree targeted for illegal plastering has been placed under media protection. Oak No. 12 refused to comment and simply waved its branches in a “I’m signing nothing!” gesture.
The troll forest community is divided. Some claim the case was blown out of proportion by the wind, others believe it is the first major leak from the silence-control system.
📌 What happens next?
The commission must present its report within 14 days. Until then, all tree-plastering is suspended, and every roll of foil is secured in the Ministry of Natural Sounds’ warehouse.
Patrol trolls will also attend additional training in:
- “Using plastic within forest-law limits”
- “How not to plaster colleagues or trees without approval from the Climate Tribunal”
📰 Editorial Board – Trollandian Gazette
“Because even in silence, something rustles…” 🍃
📢 ECOLOGICAL WARNING FROM TROLLANDIA
Do not throw plastic into the forest!
Every stray roll is now under the care of the Commission for Natural Silence and Peace.
If you hear rustling plastic in the bushes — don’t panic. It’s probably just another troll learning to recycle.
🌿 Trollandia reminds you: silence also requires maintenance.
TROLLANDIA GAZETTE
Special Edition – “Warm Seats vs. Cold Chimneys”
Trollandia is boiling again — not from stoves, because officials want to silence those, but from public outrage. Someone in the local council decided we need “truth sensors” installed in our chimneys.
But every troll knows: grey smoke means dry wood, black smoke means someone burned a tax declaration.
Smoke vanishes with the wind. Bureaucratic nonsense — never.
“Let’s put muzzles on their chimneys — then they’ll breathe only with our permission!”
But beware, dear officials! Trollandia remembers longer than the waiting room line at a rural clinic. We write down names — and next election, we’ll cross you out faster than a troll carves runes in stone.
The community is for us, not the other way around.
👉 Troll Folk Wisdom:
“When someone feels too comfortable on their chair, remind them that chairs have legs — and legs can walk.”
Let smoke rise to the sky, not into the filing cabinets of the council.
✍️ Chronicle Keeper of Trollandia
✅ Approved by the Editor-in-Chief of Trollandia
🧌 “Even smoke has meaning — if a troll is watching.”
🔥 MINISTRY OF CHIMNEYS OF TROLLANDIA
Announcement for the citizens of the fjords
Do not be fooled by warm chairs — it is your chimneys that decide whether you survive the winter climate debate.
“Smoke that is too clean may indicate a conscience that is too clean.”
If in doubt, consult your local stove or a neighbour troll experienced in burning runes and bills.
🧱 In Trollandia, every warmth has its source — preferably local.
TROLLANDIA GAZETTE
Witch Hunt in Trollandia:
The Unvaccinated in the Fire of Absurdity
Trollstjerna has announced new rules in Trollandia – this time targeting the unvaccinated. According to official statements: “Anyone who has not voluntarily taken the vaccine may endanger all of Trollandia!”
The queen was quickly followed by the local chief of Sulovid, proudly declaring that “the new reality requires new heroes.” And the heroes in this story are… informers. Yes, Trollandia announces: informing is thriving!
🗨️ Voices from the troll frontline:
Trollmund from the Veil Valley:
“I saw my neighbour without a magical protection amulet —
I immediately reported him to Trollstjerna! For the safety of Trollandia, of course.”
Skripcio from Bird Hill:
“Some say it’s exaggerated, but I prefer a clean conscience.
Better to report than… regret later.”
Klapcio from the Shadow Forest:
“The new reality is wonderful: anyone who doesn’t wear the cloak of health
instantly becomes the centre of attention. Order must be maintained!”
✍️ Chronicler of Trollandia
🧌 Approved by the Chief Editor of Trollandia
“Even in silence, you can hear the flutter of denunciations.”
🔮 New Camps of “Voluntary Improvement”
The authorities of Trollandia plan to build special centres where the unvaccinated can “voluntarily” undergo a course in obedience and compassion toward the system. According to government representatives, this is meant to serve “their own good and the safety of the entire kingdom.”
Each participant will receive a welcome package: a certificate of submission, a mug saying “Agreement builds – even walls,” and the opportunity to sing Trollandia’s anthem in three tones of hope.
🧩 Trollandia in the eyes of the trolls
Some trolls laugh at the whole situation, others praise the new order. One thing is certain: in this new reality, informing and control become virtues, and every unvaccinated troll may become a hero… or a victim of absurd regulations.
✍️ Chronicler of Trollposten
“Because in Trollandia, every absurdity has its own office.”
🧘 MINISTRY OF SOCIAL CALM OF TROLLANDIA
Announcement for citizens
The Ministry informs that the process of thinking remains fully voluntary, but excessive use may cause side effects: reflection, doubt, and uncomfortable questions.
For public health reasons, moderate use of one’s own mind is recommended, along with regular participation in mandatory training in proper silence.
“Thinking is voluntary, but not recommended.”
📰 Trollandia Times – Special Edition
First Snow in Trollandia:
trolls ecstatic, humans sliding
❄️ Fairytale snow, cabaret-style slipping
Since yesterday evening the mountains of Trollandia have been dusted with white. Early in the morning, while the fog was still asleep, trolls were already racing down the slopes shouting “HURRAA!” and sliding on anything that vaguely resembled a sled.
“The snow is fresh, soft, and just begs for the first snowball in the prime minister’s hat.”
— Snuttroll, field reporter
Humans in the valleys are far less enthusiastic. Winter tyres can only be fitted from November. Law is law, and troll nature is… troll nature. The result? Today the roads look like a reality show called “Dancing on Ice” — only starring drivers.
🧌 Chronicler of Trollposten
“Because in Trollandia, even snow has a sense of humour.”
🏆 Trollandian Winter Games
Minister of Climate Miljødød, who in his free time throws snowballs at officials, announced the official opening of the Trollandian Winter Games:
“Whoever builds the largest snowman out of office shavings and snow will receive a year’s supply of hot tar for bathing!”
There is also a busy office-chair downhill race. Attendance is record-breaking this year – even Barntrollmor is said to be competing, bringing her own chair on wheels.
🗣️ Quotes of the Day
Egotroll (Prime Minister):
“Winter arrived unexpectedly, but we will evaluate it. Maybe even establish a snow commission.”
Skattgulltroll (Minister of Finance):
“Snow is free, so people should be happy. Although a snowball tax is being prepared.”
Local resident of Trollberget:
“Good that trolls are having fun, because we’re sitting in cars waiting for roadside assistance.”
📝 Reader Comments
@Trollinka_88: “Snow is great, but why hasn’t the Prime Minister’s snowman melted yet?”
@CarWithoutWinterTyres: “Before I change to winter tyres, I must first reach the workshop – HELP!!!”
@MiljødødFan: “Snow is the best proof of global warming, really.”
@IcicleMaster: “Icicle of the Year will be mine. I’m freezing it already!”
🌨️ Editorial Summary
Winter arrived earlier than the law allows. Trolls ecstatic, humans sliding. Snow fell, humour rose – and Trollandia Times confirms yet again: In this country, even weather has a cabaret soul.
❄️ Trollandia Times Editorial Board
“Because here every snowball hits the mark.”
🧌 THE EDITORIAL’S MALICIOUS SUMMARY
As every year, winter has taken road services, officials and logic by surprise. But the trolls – as usual – are prepared: they have sleds, mugs for tar, and an endless supply of commentary.
The government is considering setting up a Commission for Unexpected Snowfall, and the Ministry of Climate is already planning a tax on joy from snow.
Fortunately, as our favourite Snuttroll says: “As long as the snow keeps falling, the propaganda doesn’t gather dust.”
☃️ Trollandia Times – Winter Edition
“Whoever laughs last has the warmest chimney.”
“As long as the snow keeps falling, the propaganda gathers no dust.”
— Trollandia Times, Winter Edition