How are things in politics?
🏛️ In the Government Corridors of Trollandia
In the government corridors of Trollandia there is more commotion than in a beehive after someone has stepped right into the honey. Prime Minister Trollas Gahr Størr has been announcing a “great reform” since early morning – a reform that nobody can actually summarise, not even himself. Supposedly it is about “considering the possibility of considering”. A brand-new document has therefore landed on his desk – an empty folder labeled “Vision 3035”, a plan even more distant than everything they have so far successfully failed to implement.
Meanwhile, Egotroll is once again lying about reducing interest rates. The reason? The bank is making excellent profits and he has won the election – so why do anything at all when you can simply tell bedtime stories to the voters at every press conference?
Skattgulltroll, our troll bomber and Minister of Finance, has once again mixed things up and proudly declared that he is in fact the prime minister. The trolls in the corridors commented with a short, dry question: “Alzheimer?” – and then calmly went back to watching the chaos as if it were their favourite reality show.
The Minister of Climate, Miljødød, is rubbing his hands with delight at the thought of more “warming” – of caves, houses and trees. In his view this is a perfect opportunity to boost “dynamic environmental development”, which in practice simply means watching everything melt, rot and decay in the holy name of naturalness, while he nods solemnly in front of the cameras.
Out on the streets of Trollandia, Folk flest – the ordinary trolls who once again voted for their beloved prime minister and party – are commenting:
- “It doesn’t matter that nothing changes – what matters is that Egotroll looks serious!”
- “Everything is fine because he understands us” – a textbook case of the Stockholm syndrome in troll form.
- “At least we get a show, even if our purses are empty,” says an elderly troll, shaking a completely hollow coin pouch.
- “They promise change and still do nothing. But we like them anyway!” adds a younger troll with a shrug.
In conclusion: in Trollandian politics absolutely nothing has changed. Chaos, absurdity, lies and empty promises – in other words: normal operations as usual.
— Editorial Board of Trollposten, Politics Section
Want to know what the government trolls are plotting?
Open the next page before they shut it down.
Police reports
🧌 REPORT 1: Operation “Mandacik 2.0”
Classified Report No. 712/TP
Title: Operation “Mandacik 2.0”
Location: Highway 94 – straight stretch, no bends, no people, no point
Date: 15 April 2025
The Radar Troll Patrol, consisting of Sgt. Gulg and Łomot, launched the operation at 06:15. A camouflaged position was prepared in the bushes with a clear view of the 60 km/h speed limit sign, ready to protect public safety on an almost completely empty road.
At 07:02 the first target was caught – a driver travelling at 64 km/h. A ticket was issued immediately and 2 bonus points were awarded to Sgt. Gulg for “initiative and vigilance” in handling this grave offence.
At 08:45 the patrol switched to a card game because “nothing was driving past, but one must remain prepared”. The radar stayed on, just in case a lonely vehicle dared to disturb the silence.
At 09:20 a cyclist was clocked at a breathtaking speed of 19 km/h. No fine was imposed, but he received a “preventive lecture”, which conveniently increased the statistics of completed actions by one extra entry.
Mission classified as a success. The revenue target for April has now been achieved at 34 %.
🚓 Reports from other Trollandian police operations can be found on the page:
📜 Read more / Les mer / Weiter lesenFjord News
🐟 Fjord News: “Fish Under Directorate Audit”
In Trollandia you can still catch fish – at least until someone invents a new rule. But beware: you may only take fish abroad if they were caught through a registered company. This is not a joke from a bored fjord troll – it is clearly written in paragraph 42, section 7 of the “Regulation on International Consumption of Fisheries and Trolls”, updated every year at lightning speed so that the fish may feel properly important.
One of the less experienced trolls trembled and asked:
– “And what if… I don’t have a company?”
The Director of Troll Waters, Mr. Sildemund Skattfjell, looked at him gravely,
pulled out a ruler, measured the fish from snout to tail, tapped on his calculator and declared:
– “Then you may eat it… for dinner. But first you must complete form RF-77 in three copies:
one for the fish, one for the Directorate and one for the Troll Archive.
Then sign a statement declaring that the fish will not be exported to a country
that does not exist on any map. And finally, sing the Hymn of Fish Consumption –
otherwise the audit will classify your dinner as illegal.”
Silence fell across the fjords. Fish in the water stared at the trolls with polite disbelief: “A company? Forms? Audit? Seriously? I just swim and occasionally nibble plankton. Must I really have paperwork for every single bite?”
- every bite of fish has its own identification number;
- every dinner is a potential audit event;
- a fish without documents may only be eaten quietly, with a candle and a signed protocol sheet;
- and a troll without a company? He may eat it if he fills out ten forms and brings tea to the director.
The fish looks. The fish thinks. The fish smiles. And, of course, says nothing – for in Trollandia silence is golden… and an official document.
🐠 More fjord reports and bureaucratic absurdities can be found in the section:
Fjord News
🗞️ The Trollandian Gazette
🐟 Fjord News – chaos guaranteed!
Welcome to the section for trolls who read, think and enjoy a good sense of humour. Here, fish have identification numbers, officials measure everything with a ruler, and every dinner has the potential to trigger an audit.
Laughter is our protective shield – after Kirk’s death, everyone knows that a satirist in Trollandia can get into trouble very easily. We have no boss, but we intend to stay free… and we will not allow RF-77 forms to flood our fjords with tears.
Want more absurdities? Click “See more” and dive into a whirlpool of fjord stories ready to amuse even the most serious troll.
Happening in Trollandia – reports
🏛️ SPECIAL REPORT FROM TROLLANDIA
“Operation Treasure”
Strictly confidential – for internal trollocratic circulation only!
📍 Location: The Government Grotto beneath the roaring Trollfossen Waterfall
🕖 Date: The third day after the new moon – known among mountain trolls as Blackmoon Wednesday
🛑 Subject: The imminent threat of Trollandia being pulled into the European Union
🗣️ SUMMARY OF THE PROCEEDINGS
The session opened with a dramatic proclamation from Prime Minister Egotroll, whose trademark smile looked even more artificially glued than usual. He announced that “the international political climate is increasingly favourable” and that “Trollandia should consider the possibility of deepening its relations with the Union.” His tone suggested a grand diplomatic vision; his eyes suggested he had no idea what he was saying.
The reaction was immediate: groans echoed through the chamber like distant thunder, low rumbles of protest vibrated in the stone walls, and one full-bodied, cavern-shaking grunt burst from Rättferdtroll. Skjoldtroll, whose aggression toward unfamiliar foreign terminology is legendary, hurled his battle-axe straight at the map. The map tore down from the wall, spun twice, and landed in a puddle of mosswater. Kulturfjern fainted on the spot the moment she heard the word “euro”, collapsing in the most elegant way available to a troll.
⚖️ GOVERNMENT DECISION: ACTIVATION OF “OPERATION TREASURE”
The government then proceeded to vote. All voted “no” — except Egotroll, who voted “yes” twice, confidently declaring that “a prime minister counts double in critical matters.” Based on this mathematical innovation, the motion passed and Operation Treasure was officially launched: a massive national effort to hide every Trollandian treasure before the EU could sniff it out and drown it in regulations, guidelines and multi-volume directives lasting several generations.
📦 DETAILS OF THE OPERATION
🍄 Mushrooms – the proud export crown of Trollandia:
- Hidden deep beneath layers of moss, forest floor and suspiciously soft soil.
- The oldest porcini were issued absolutely fake certificates labelled “Inedible” and “Hazardous: Do not touch.”
🐟 Fish – cod, salmon, trout and even insulted herring:
- Voluntarily escaped into underground rivers known only to river trolls.
- Equipped with sunglasses, false moustaches and new identities borrowed from the troll cat registry.
🦌 Deer – the majestic symbols of Trollandian freedom:
- Carefully relocated to the Valley of the Silent Murmur, a place the EU will never find.
- Their antlers replaced with IKEA-style plastic mock-ups that no European authority would ever take seriously.
🛢️ Oil and gas – the riches no outsider must discover:
- Poured into glass bottles once filled with troll soda and buried in caves guarded by snoring ground giants.
- Access code: knock three times on the rock, sigh heavily, and mutter “EU yuck” with conviction.
💰 Gold and coins:
- Scattered among mountain crevices that open only when the moon is in a particularly bad mood.
- Enchanted with runes so that each coin screams “Leave me alone!” when touched by an EU official.
👨👩👧👦 SOCIAL MEASURES
Barntrollmor launched the nation’s first “School of Patriotic Crying”, where young trolls learn to identify euros, resist alluring chocolate from Brussels, and scream in horror whenever someone utters the phrase “regulatory harmonisation.”
Grøntmøkk urged the nation to stop exporting manure — “we must save every handful for ourselves; we never know what the EU will try next.” Meanwhile, Miljødød publicly admitted for the first time that climate change has little to do with temperature: “it’s just troll emotions overheating the atmosphere.”
🪧 VOICES FROM THE STREETS
- “We will not be boiled in euro-soup!” — shouted the demonstrators on Deer Moss Square.
- “You want the Union? Then go to Finland!” — added old Trollhild, waving her walking stick.
📜 CONCLUSION
The map of Trollandia was buried underneath the Tree of Ten Thousand Mosses. Prime Minister Egotroll was sent on “diplomatic leave” to Lake Trolltjern, where he is reportedly walking in circles due to a mysteriously “updated” GPS.
Operation Treasure continues. The trolls remain vigilant. The fish stay silent. The oil refuses to flow.
Trollandia Chronicle
🌬️ Trollandia Chronicle
Wind turbines that don’t like wind – Part I
In Trollandia, yet another row of wind turbines has been erected – this time down in the valley, “so things will be calmer.” As the Minister of Climate, Miljødød, explained: “The wind in the mountains is far too… windy. And turbines don’t cope well with stress.”
On the very first night after the grand opening, three trolls from the technical crew had to call for assistance, because the turbines started to spin. “We didn’t expect that,” said project manager Trollvind Pedersen, “the gust caught us off guard. There was no mention of this kind of wind in the documentation.”
Since then, new safety regulations have been introduced: the turbines may only operate in so-called “controlled wind”, every single rotation has to be approved by a special commission, and at wind speeds above 3 m/s a state of “climate reflection alert” is declared.
Egotroll praised the project as “a green energy success – on paper”, and out in the field signs have been installed reading: WARNING! WIND TURBINES – DO NOT BLOW!
Along the Norwegian coast new offshore wind farms have sprung up. In glossy brochures – slim, modern, as green as political dreams. On television – politicians with the faces of planet saviours. And above the fjord, a lonely turbine stands and waits for a storm, as if it had no idea that this is the sea, not a park in Copenhagen.
“You can’t cheat nature,” mutters old Troll-Halvar, watching the new blades. “If it blows like it did in ’91, no computer and no subsidy scheme will help. The earth, the sea and the wind will do exactly what they want.”
And he is right. In 1991, the storm drove winds of 300 kilometres per hour, the waves rose like mountains. No turbine – on land or at sea – stands a chance against that.
To be continued: Part II – Trolls, turbines and the paragraph about wind direction
🌬️ Trollandia Chronicle
Wind turbines that don’t like wind – Part II
But politicians still believe that if they simply press the “green transformation” button, nature will obey their orders. They speak of fighting CO₂ as if it were a demon that can be chased away with a turbine. Yet every gardener knows that without CO₂ there is no life, no photosynthesis, no bread, no plants. In greenhouses, CO₂ is added to make plants grow faster – that’s what schools taught in the 1970s, before politics replaced knowledge.
The wind turbine by the fjord listens to all these speeches and spins its blades — out of boredom.
To be continued: Part III
🌬️ Trollandia Chronicle
Wind turbines that don’t like wind – Part III
And the trolls watch, knowing perfectly well how things truly are. They know that neither the sea nor the wind can be tamed. They know that civilizations have collapsed before, the moment they believed they were wiser than nature. The wind turbine is not the enemy — but it is certainly not a cure-all either. It is merely another attempt by humans, convinced they can squeeze the world into the shape of a glossy brochure.
Back to: Part I